A Further Reflection on Forgiveness

I am really struggling with this issue. Unlike Rwandans, however, I have the luxury of discussing this issue from a distance which is both geographical and personal.

One of the very real difficulties that Rwanda faces, is that survivors and perpetrators can be, and often are, next door neighbours.  Perpetrators and survivors can happen upon each other in the street, in the marketplace, at school, at work, in social situations, and at church.

How does a person live next door to a person who participated in the murder of members of the person’s family? It can’t be easy, as you can well imagine.

In Rwanda, discussions of the genocide frequently end up as discussions about forgiveness and exactly what that word means. Perpetrators ask for forgiveness, and some survivors say they forgive, even though their losses are unfathomable to us. So how does this work? How do you forgive the people who killed your family members, your children, your parents, your sibs, your spouse, your friends. How do you forgive the people who might have disabled you by chopping off one of your arms or legs, your ears, your private parts? How do you forgive the men that raped you? How do you live next door to these people? How do you face them in the workplace and in the market? How do the children of survivors and perpetrators manage at school?

Rwandans are a remarkable people. That they have not shriveled up and withdrawn into themselves is evidence of their resiliency, but the cost that they pay for this is high. When we visited the National Centre for the Fight against Genocide (CNLG is the official name : Le Centre National pour la Lutte contre la Genocide), which is where our friends Charles and Ismaël work, one of the people who spoke to us said a minimum of 30% and maybe as high as 60% of the population suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder, but that the country does not have enough money to make sure all of them get psychological counselling.

I think what has happened is that the word “forgiveness” has developed a new meaning. Of course people don’t forgive someone for murdering their family members. But what they can say is this: if rebuilding this country means I have to get along with you in peace, for the good of everyone, then I can do it. They need each other so that the nation can move forward. Hopefully, that is enough to build a solid future for this beautiful country.

If nothing else, this speaks to the incredible bravery of the Rwandan people.