I'm Going to Rwanda in July

I am a high school teacher in Toronto. I teach two courses: World Issues, and Genocide and Crimes Against Humanity. I had the chance to go to Rwanda last year with a group of genocide teachers, and I didn’t go. I was profoundly disappointed in my decision, but I could not bring myself to even contemplate a flight as long as the trip from Toronto to Rwanda: eight hours to London, another 10 to Kigali, with a stop in Nairobi. I had anxiety just thinking about the flight.

I met up with the trip leader (Rich Hitchins, director of the Canadian Centre for Genocide Education) in the summer, at a genocide conference that he had organized. A number of the people in the class had been to Rwanda with him earlier that summer and they raved about the trip. They wanted to go again this summer and he asked if I would consider going if he organized another trip. At that time I told him I would seriously contemplate going to Rwanda this summer if he organized another trip. In the back of my mind was the thought that I could always back out again. In the fall I was involved in a number of facebook discussions about going to Rwanda, but they seemed to fizzle out.

Right after Christmas, Rich sent me an email outlining basic trip details, and I told him I would waffle for about a month, and get back to him. I was actually trying to think of a way to get out of going, becasue all I could think of was that horrible flight…

On Feb 4, Rich sent me an email telling me to hurry up with my waffling because there were only three spots left on the trip. Then he asked me to come clean on what was really stopping me from going. He knows I need a bathroom close to my bedroom (preferably in it) and he knows I am not a good flyer (he isn’t either). I told him I would tell him for certain one way or another on Friday, February 5. I talked to Dave and Tom, and more or less decided to go that very evening. In the morning I tried to send emails to Rich on two occassions, but could not bring myself to press the Send button. Dave said maybe that was a sign.

I went to my Dad’s that day, and discussed it with my sisters. They also said I should go. I was thinking that I did not want to be sitting around in twenty years regretting that I had not taken the opportunity to go on this trip. I missed it once, and the chance to go came back to me. If I missed it again due to my own anxieties, I think I would have huge regrets.

Leslie and Linda left Dad’s early to catch a flight to Florida, and so I sent them an email from my Dad’s computer, where seconds earlier I had written to Rich confirming that I would be going on the trip. I wrote a deposit cheque for the trip and for the flight, Dave put them in the mail on Saturday, and that was that.

The moment I pressed the Send button on my message to Rich, I felt like a huge load had been lifted off my shoulders. I no longer had to weigh the pros and cons - the decision had been made. I felt excited and giddy. I wasn’t even worried about the flight. But I should make one thing clear: this will not be a fun trip. Genocide educators don’t go to Rwanda for fun, they go as witnesses. It will be hard to see some of the things I will be seeing, but I must see them, I believe, to better teach my students.